This Is Where My Stuff Lives

The personal and professional (citation needed) page of Quinn (me)

Oct. 29th - "how did this happen?", fictober


Fia stiffened as Gale emerged from his tent, scrubbing at his eyes. Halsin noticed, leaning his weight a little more against her arm in response. He'd spent the whole night doing things like that, just letting her emotions run through her and doing whatever he needed to do to keep her steady through the storm.

He was a good friend. Fia still wasn't sure if she wanted him to be more than that, but that was a conversation for later. Right now she was too busy dreading this one.

Gale started towards them, but Shadowheart caught him by the arm. They were too far away to hear, and Fia didn't want to risk them noticing a tadpole connection. All she could tell was that from the way Shadowheart's braid was swinging back and forth behind her, whatever she was telling Gale was not kind.

Fia made a mental note to bring Shadowheart a bottle of something later.

Gale finally made his way over to them, looking equal parts abashed and irritated. Halsin sat up a little straighter next to her, not quite putting himself between her and Gale but making his presence known nonetheless. Gale's eyes flicked over to him before settling on Fia.

"May we speak?" he asked quietly.

Fia contemplated for a long moment telling him no. Telling him he had his chance to speak last night and he used it to berate her instead.

But that wasn't fair. Maybe he actually was trying to fix things. So she hooked the string to the top of the bow, picking up her quiver as she stood. Halsin made a sound low in his throat and she turned to give him a small smile. He had no tadpole for her to speak through, but apparently her expression was enough to convince him. He glanced over at Gale but acquiesced, going back to the little block of wood in his hand.

"Come on, then."

Fia led him to a clearing not far from their camp, but far enough away they shouldn't be overheard so long as they kept their voices down. She stood on the far edge of it from him, arms crossed over her chest.

"Well?" She gestured at him. "Speak."

"I - " He seemed at a loss. "I'm sorry if…if my reaction last night caused you any…distress."

Fia's jaw tightened, her eyes narrowing. "Shadowheart?"

"Unfortunately."

Fia just sighed, letting her arms drop. She'd hoped Shadowheart had just been chewing Gale out, not revealing the fact that she spent the whole night crying. She put a mental rain check on the bottle of something. "Yes. You upset me." Gale flinched back from the direct accusation. "You were needlessly cruel and accusative, you - you hurt me, Gale. "

"Hurt you?" Gale challenged. "You come to me with this - proposition, all but telling me I'm not enough for you - "

"It wasn't about you!" she exploded. "It was a - a curiosity! A possibility I wanted to explore! Halsin would have had you join us, if you wanted, he was never trying to steal me or whatever else it is you've cooked up to try to justify how you spoke to me. "

"You expect me to just stand by while you cavort with another man?"

"No! That's why I asked! You have every right to be uncomfortable with the idea; what you do not have the right to do is berate me for even suggesting it!"

"Then what was I to do, hm? What was I to say in the face of you suggesting I allow Halsin to - to have his way with you?"

"First of all, you do not allow me to do anything, Gale Dekarios." In her anger her voice was thrumming with psionic energy. She took a moment to push it back down, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. "You do not own me, and neither does Halsin. Whatever I do or do not want to do is of my own fucking accord." Gale looked abashed, at least, and she took a moment to breathe before she went on. "Second of all, the appropriate response would have been a simple 'I'm not comfortable with that.' 'I would prefer you not', at the very least. Not launching into a tirade against me, or against Halsin. Not threatening me - "

"Threaten you?" Gale interrupted. "I have never - "

"'My condition'," she echoed with a sneer. "Elminster stabilized the orb weeks ago, Gale, a difficult conversation isn't going to kill you." She gestured at him. "As evidenced."

"We don't know for sure - " He stopped, taking a deep breath. When he spoke again his voice was low, almost inaudible across the clearing. "How did this happen?"

Fia took a long moment before she answered. "Mystra broke you," she said quietly. Gale flinched again and she tried not to feel remorse, telling herself he needed to hear it. "Mystra broke you for other people, Gale. She taught you, be it through word or deed, that this is how you treat someone you claim to love. What's more, I think she did it on purpose. I think she wanted anyone else you ever took up with to refuse to put up with you, so that she was your only option."

Gale had shrunk more into himself with every word, and Fia clenched her jaw against the urge to comfort him. To take it back, to take him back. She hadn't been lying; he had cut her deeply. To want to return to the familiar was simply how the heart tried to protect itself.

"Well." Gale's voice caught in his throat; he cleared it before speaking again. "I suppose that's it, then."

Fia took a deep breath, letting it out in a long sigh. "I suppose it is."

"Would…would you prefer I leave the group?" he asked. "Far be it from me to make you uncomfortable."

Anger flashed through her and she snapped a leash around it; this was going poorly enough as it was. Gale's petty sniping would not drive her over the line.

"Do as you like," she said. "Your presence won't affect me in the least."

Gale drew himself up as though he was going to respond, but all that made it out was a strained "Very well, then." He looked like he might continue, but instead he just turned away.

Once he had disappeared past the trees Fia fell back against the one behind her, sliding down to the forest floor. Resting her head back against the trunk, she closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to spill over.

"Fia?" Her eyes shot open at the sound of her name. She hadn't heard Halsin approach, and kicked herself for letting her guard down so completely. "I saw Gale leave, and when you didn't follow…"

The first tear fell, and before she could wipe it away Halsin was next to her on the ground, raising one arm in offering. She accepted the comfort, curling into his side. She would have to face Gale, if he decided to stay. Knowing at least two of the others were on her side helped, however, even if in the same breath she hated that there were sides. There didn't have to be. And yet here they were.

She could stay here for now, though. Even if it was just for a little while. Everything else could come later

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